Don't be a douche.

I work part time at a local grocery store. Because of the time I work, I mostly deal with lovely old people and families and they're generally really nice. But every so often, we get complete assholes come in, which is completely unsurprising, given the suburb I work in. Yes, I'm paid to help out customers and do all this other stuff. But there are some things that, nonetheless, I shouldn't have to deal with. So, to all those people who come into shops and do the things listed below, to you I say: Don't be a douche. You know who you are.

1) Don't try to tell me you don't have enough money, and look at me like it's my fault and you want ME to solve it, when I can CLEARLY SEE that you do have the money in your wallet. Also, don't look at me like it's my fault and you want me to solve it even if you DON'T have the money. I'm just a checkout chick. There's nothing I can do for you. Go talk to my boss. (yes, there are some people I feel really sorry for, because what they're buying is food that they actually need, but you know, they're generally the ones that go ok, I'm sorry, I don't have enough money, I'll do figure something out, bye)

2) Don't leave your crap lying on my till. Particularly not when it consists of used tissues or your baby's dirty nappy. It's not ok. People's FOOD goes on that. Also, don't bleed on it. I repeat: people's food goes on that! Would you like me to bleed all over your food? No? Don't do it then. I'm a LITTLE more lenient if you actually ask me for a bin, even though there is one like three meters away from where we're standing, but nonetheless, please don't ask me to handle your tissue/diaper/blood. Just... don't.

3) Don't leave your trolleys/baskets lying anywhere you damn please. If you put them on the groun in front of the till, yes, people ARE going to trip over them. And no, looking around like you're all lost and don't know where to put them isn't going to help your case. Just put them back where you damn got them already, which is what, about three metres away? Maybe five steps if you have short legs? Or if you're really in THAT much of a hurry, just leave the damn thing on the till and I'll take care of it. Just don't dump it on the floor where people will trip over it, or else my boss will probably get sued. Have to say though, the Queen of this is that fricking woman who walked her empty trolley about two steps towards where she'd gotten it from (about, say, eight metres away) then gave it this tiny little push, JUST enough to get it RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN AISLE, then walked off and just left it there. According to the girl I work with, my face was priceless. I was thisclose to slapping that woman simply for being a lazy cow. Like, REALLY? She could have even just left it at the end of the till.

4) Don't come in right on our closing time and say "I just need some milk" then try to do your weekly shopping. We're not getting paid for overtime, and we don't have to deal with your crap. Yes, we can and will kick you out. (Well, more accurately, the manager will.)

5) This is not a free food place. Seriously. It does still count as stealing if you eat grapes or give your kid an apple while you walk around the shop. Even if you buy some of them. You can't do it. You know you can't. Otherwise you wouldn't try to hide it when I walk past. Just don't.

6) Please don't talk on your mobile phone while I'm serving you. It's quite rude.

7) Don't give me crap for stuff that actually has nothing to do with me. Especially if I'm trying to help you regardless. And, yes, actually, we all do make mistakes, so if I have made a mistake, please just tell me about it, calmly, and I'll fix it. Calmly. And in far, far less time than if you try to yell at me first, which, by the way, makes me much less inclined to do everything I can to help you, and more inclined to ask my boss to throw you out. Which, yeah, he'd probably do.

8) Please don't be creepy. That includes creepily ask my name or say other creepy things to me, because it's freaky and kind of scary. Also, if you must be creepy, please... try and make sense too? Because there are times when I really don't know if I should be scared and calling my boss, or if you're actually just an idiot and don't know what you're doing. (BTW, man - you know who you are- you're not a milkshake, and even if I could/would shake you, I don't think that would make you thicker, so whatever you were on about... you should work on your metaphor.)


So, that's my rant, and a list of behavior that you should never, ever exhibit to a checkout chick. (or dude). Please. For the sake of us all. Even if you aren't now, you probably were once, or you might be soon. Just... yeah. Don't be a douche.

(Also, to all you people who are lovely and make me smile every time I see you... you're awesome.)