Yesterday, my best friend and I had a conversation that we've needed to have for about a year now. Because both of us have gone through so much personal shit this year, we've both, at times, reacted badly about it to each other. To be honest, she hasn't been the easiest person to be around this year. She's had problems at home that've made her upset and angry, but instead of talking to me about them, she lashed out. And because I didn't want to make things harder for her, I didn't tell her what was happening in my life, I told other people, making her feel like I was replacing her. And then I felt the same way, when, because she felt guilty about the way she'd been treating me and didn't want to make it worse or for me to worry, started telling other people what her problems or feelings were- when she spoke to anyone at all, and didn't just cut herself.
So we had a talk. And... it went well. We both admitted that we'd been angry with each other for quite a while, and we, well, I don't think either of us fully told each other all the secrets we've been keeping this year, but we both told each other how we'd been feeling, and why we'd been reacting the way we were. And then we forgave each other. It was the quietest end to the quietest argument ever. For this whole year, we haven't shouted at each other- snapped a bit, silently fumed, etc- there's been practically no tears- at least not in front of each other- but both of us have been, at least occasionally, completely furious with each other.
And I'm glad it turned out this way. Because for a while there a few weeks ago, I was so tired and sick of it all and convinced that I couldn't make it better that I nearly just gave up trying. And if I hadn't decided that we were going to have that conversation, even if it hurt both of us or made it worse, then by next year, we might not have been friends at all anymore, because I would have still been feeling angry and resentful, and given up, and she would have been still feeling angry and upset and we would have drifted even more apart than we already were. Or maybe we would have had an actual fight, I don't know.
The thing is, even when I decided to talk to her, I half expected that just bringing it up would cause a fight. She's been very touchy this year, and when stuff at home has been especially bad she would just snap at me for anything I said. And given that the first thing I asked was if she was still cutting herself... I don't think that there's ever a good time to bring that up. But I had to ask, because I saw the cuts on her arms a few weeks ago, but it took me this long to ask, partly because we were never alone for long enough, and partly because I felt angry and guilty, because when she first did it, earlier in the year, I didn't find out because she told me, or because I noticed. A mutual friend told me, by accident. And it hurt that my best friend didn't think she could tell me about something like that, or that I didn't notice.
So, even though I thought it might make her angry, it didn't. I think it hurt her, a bit, that I'd brought it up, but she was willing to talk to me, so I could tell her, calmly, that I was angry. I tried, and I think I managed it, not to sound like I was accusing her of anything, that I blamed her for anything. I told her the truth, and I'm pretty sure she told me the truth back. To be honest, this is the first real argument that we've ever had. And we've settled it a lot better than she's settled arguments with other people at school over the years, some of whom she now no longer speaks to. (It sounds, I don't know, conceited to say it, but it's true. This is quite literally the first fight I've had with anyone at school)
On the sidebar of this blog, it says that I'm a student trying to survive high school. But when I say that, most of the time, I don't mean the lessons and homework and assignments and exams and things like that, because I can choose whether or not I do them or care about them. Failing high school isn't the end of the world. Instead, I'm mostly talking about things like this, the personal stuff that can happen to anyone at any time at any stage in there life, that will always matter and you can't make them not matter. I'm talking about things like your best friend cutting herself, divorces, running away, abuse, fights, arrests, drugs, sex, alcohol, break ups- everything that goes wrong, that can go wrong. All those things are things that I've dealt with this year- some of them not personally, but because people I'm close to have been, and I can't not help them to deal with it. And they're the things that have worried me the most this year, because they matter the most. School? I suppose I'm lucky, in that I can be reasonably guaranteed of good results with a minimum or effort, but beyond that... school, and results, in the general scheme of things, don't matter. Life will still go on without them. You can still get into universities. You can still have a job. You can still succeed. You can still have family, friends, a life, all without perfect grades or even a high school certificate. Yes, it makes things a little easier to start off some careers, but it's not the most important thing. And a lot of the time, I forget that, and stress about whether or not I'm getting the marks I think I ought to be getting. But I'm trying not to.
I originally decided to keep things like this off the blog, even though they were most of the reason I started it in the first place. But I've realised that's kind of stupid. I'm not any more qualified to give advice about how to deal with things like this than I am to give advice about high school, but the main way I've got through this year is talking about it, and listening to other people talk about it, because it helped to know that I wasn't the only one, and that my problems weren't as bad as they sometimes seemed. Even though it sometimes overwhelms me, I love helping other people. So go ahead. Talk to me. Tell me your problems. Or else just read about mine. But more than that, talk to the people you need to talk to. Even if it might make things worse, if it's worth it, do it. I've been there, too, this year, and I still feel guilty for what happened because of what I did, even though, in the end, it turned out for the better- I think.
And now I'm just going to go ahead and post this, before I chicken out and delete it.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
What kind of study do you need the night before your exam?
So my exams are over now ('bout frickin' time already), I'm, well, as confident as can be expected, really, given that I tend to underestimate myself more than anything else. I'm pretty sure I passed physics, though, which is the only one I really had to worry about. And italian speaking, but I already know I passed that. Which was TERRIFYING, by the way. But anyway. I know that most people in Australia, anyway, have already done their exams (I know TEE is all over, yay for all my twelvie friends). But one thing that we've all been talking about for, like, two months now: How the hell DO you actually study for exams?
Obviously, there's about as many methods as there are people doing exams; so I'm going to narrow it down a bit more, to what you should do the night before the exam. Or my advice, anyway, because I'm completely willing to give my opinion even on subjects where I have little to no authority.
First, though: What kind of study do you actually need?
a) You're sitting at your desk the night (or morning!) before your exam, and you haven't actually started studying yet. You have a social life to maintain, dammit!
i) You have studied a bit, but it's a subject that you kinda suck at
and you were mostly on facebook when you were studying anyway.
b) You've revised the year, but not in any real depth, and you're ok at the subject, but have no real interest in it. You just need to do well/ pass/ convince your parents that you tried.
c) You, you dedicated person, have not only studied, you're good at the subject but you're freaking out anyway because, hey, exams are stressful.
Method A: You're completely screwed.
The sooner you accept that fact, the easier this will be. Unless you're a genius (in which case, see below) there's just no way you're going to be able to revise and memorise an entire year's worth of material in the, what, eight, twelve hours before your exam? And yeah, you are going to need to sleep tonight. Pulling an all nighter just isn't worth it. However, a pass is not out of the question.
So instead, you need to be clever. Guaranteed, your exam will not actually test everything you're meant to know. You need to prioritise. Chances are, your teacher has been dropping hints like mad for the past, y'know, week... month... year... but there's also a strong chance you weren't listening, or that you missed it. Embrace that fact. If you're going to go on facebook or msn or whatever, and you just might- unless you've taken the precaution of unplugging your computer (you are a stronger person than I am) - ask if anyone else knows what'll be in it. Someone will probably have a fairly good idea.
If not, though, you're going to need to focus on broad concepts. Don't try to read a whole lit book overnight, because it's not going to happen and won't help you (and you don't really need to), and don't try to teach yourself the intricacies of Newtonian physics when applied to the moon (although I really don't know what that's doing in your syllabus.) Instead, focus on the general stuff. For example, the physics exam I just did. I didn't really know, exactly, the answers to a fair few of the questions, but I knew the theories that they were referring to, and I knew, generally, what the four topics - heat, electricity, motion and nuclear- were about, and I kinda chucked an answer together based on that. Likewise, with lit, if you haven't read the book, try googling it. There's quite a few sites out there that provide everything you might need to an exam, although only with certain books. You'll need quotes- try to get some that are multi-purpose. Write stuff down. Preferably in a semi-organised fashion.
Method B: You should be fine
Ok, we'll just assume that you've got the broad outlines down, probably some depth in at least a few areas. You just need a bit more certainty, and you need that little bit of extra knowledge in order to guarantee a nice score.Focus in particular on the areas you aren't that great at. If you're worried that you might forget how to do a certain type of problem, a certain order of events, whatever, try writing it down. With the problems, you'll need to actually do them- there should be some in your book. With the other stuff, do a mind map, or a timeline, or whatever floats your boat. I recommend coloured pens, but then, I always recommend coloured pens, so, y'know.
Method C: You'll be fine, seriously.
There's no real reason for you to be worrying, at this point, but you will anyway and we all know it. Revise the areas you have problems with, you know what those are. And then, if you have time, and you will, because you've been doing this for like weeks now, revise those small, extra things that are the ones that will make sure you get the top marks. You know. That quote from, like, Wordsworth that you can drop into the conclusion of your english essay. That small, quiet political shenanigan that just may have influenced the course of World War Two. Etcetera. You're going to pass, and you're going to pass well- at this point it's just a question of how well.
Method D: Eternal hatred from all.
Screw you. You haven't studied, you haven't done any work all year, but you're going to get the top mark anyway, and you know it. It's the night before your exam and you're playing video games or something. The rest of us hate you. (not really.)
Obviously, there's about as many methods as there are people doing exams; so I'm going to narrow it down a bit more, to what you should do the night before the exam. Or my advice, anyway, because I'm completely willing to give my opinion even on subjects where I have little to no authority.
First, though: What kind of study do you actually need?
a) You're sitting at your desk the night (or morning!) before your exam, and you haven't actually started studying yet. You have a social life to maintain, dammit!
i) You have studied a bit, but it's a subject that you kinda suck at
and you were mostly on facebook when you were studying anyway.
b) You've revised the year, but not in any real depth, and you're ok at the subject, but have no real interest in it. You just need to do well/ pass/ convince your parents that you tried.
c) You, you dedicated person, have not only studied, you're good at the subject but you're freaking out anyway because, hey, exams are stressful.
Method A: You're completely screwed.
The sooner you accept that fact, the easier this will be. Unless you're a genius (in which case, see below) there's just no way you're going to be able to revise and memorise an entire year's worth of material in the, what, eight, twelve hours before your exam? And yeah, you are going to need to sleep tonight. Pulling an all nighter just isn't worth it. However, a pass is not out of the question.
So instead, you need to be clever. Guaranteed, your exam will not actually test everything you're meant to know. You need to prioritise. Chances are, your teacher has been dropping hints like mad for the past, y'know, week... month... year... but there's also a strong chance you weren't listening, or that you missed it. Embrace that fact. If you're going to go on facebook or msn or whatever, and you just might- unless you've taken the precaution of unplugging your computer (you are a stronger person than I am) - ask if anyone else knows what'll be in it. Someone will probably have a fairly good idea.
If not, though, you're going to need to focus on broad concepts. Don't try to read a whole lit book overnight, because it's not going to happen and won't help you (and you don't really need to), and don't try to teach yourself the intricacies of Newtonian physics when applied to the moon (although I really don't know what that's doing in your syllabus.) Instead, focus on the general stuff. For example, the physics exam I just did. I didn't really know, exactly, the answers to a fair few of the questions, but I knew the theories that they were referring to, and I knew, generally, what the four topics - heat, electricity, motion and nuclear- were about, and I kinda chucked an answer together based on that. Likewise, with lit, if you haven't read the book, try googling it. There's quite a few sites out there that provide everything you might need to an exam, although only with certain books. You'll need quotes- try to get some that are multi-purpose. Write stuff down. Preferably in a semi-organised fashion.
Method B: You should be fine
Ok, we'll just assume that you've got the broad outlines down, probably some depth in at least a few areas. You just need a bit more certainty, and you need that little bit of extra knowledge in order to guarantee a nice score.Focus in particular on the areas you aren't that great at. If you're worried that you might forget how to do a certain type of problem, a certain order of events, whatever, try writing it down. With the problems, you'll need to actually do them- there should be some in your book. With the other stuff, do a mind map, or a timeline, or whatever floats your boat. I recommend coloured pens, but then, I always recommend coloured pens, so, y'know.
Method C: You'll be fine, seriously.
There's no real reason for you to be worrying, at this point, but you will anyway and we all know it. Revise the areas you have problems with, you know what those are. And then, if you have time, and you will, because you've been doing this for like weeks now, revise those small, extra things that are the ones that will make sure you get the top marks. You know. That quote from, like, Wordsworth that you can drop into the conclusion of your english essay. That small, quiet political shenanigan that just may have influenced the course of World War Two. Etcetera. You're going to pass, and you're going to pass well- at this point it's just a question of how well.
Method D: Eternal hatred from all.
Screw you. You haven't studied, you haven't done any work all year, but you're going to get the top mark anyway, and you know it. It's the night before your exam and you're playing video games or something. The rest of us hate you. (not really.)
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